Sleep

Evelyn two - three months | May - June 2015

Evelyn went from being this newborn that slept hours at a time during the day (sleeping through almost anything) to a two and a half month old baby who fights sleep and is woken up by the slightest creak in the floor. I knew this time would come but I just thought we would get to enjoy that newborn stage a bit longer. Her awake time was longer and full of smiles and coos and boy were we LOVING it, however it made falling asleep a challenge for her. Nighttime sleep really wasn't bad. On average Evelyn woke up two to three times and occasionally we'd have a night where she only woke up once. And each time she did wake up she went right back to sleep after being nursed. The naps were the struggle. After a week of watching Evelyn fight naps and become overtired and cranky, I began some research. I went to the library and checked out "Baby Wise" as well as "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child". Both books had been highly recommended by several other moms and our pediatrician. I didn't intend to implement every idea suggested in either book, but of course just a few pages into my reading of "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child", I was sold on the idea of having Evelyn on an eating and sleeping schedule. I'm a huge fan of schedules and being in control so this made sense. Turns out it's all easier said than done...

"Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" suggests using the CIO "cry it out" method. I never planned on using this method, certainly not yet, but this book had me sold on the idea of letting Evelyn cry herself to sleep and thus learn how to self-soothe. We gave it a whirl. One night I nursed, rocked, then laid Evelyn in her crib. Because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle hearing her cry, I hopped in the shower and put Jay in charge. Fifteen minutes later I turned the water off in the shower and heard her wailing. Not just crying, but wailing. And that was the end of it. I ran to her room, cradled her in my arms and nursed her as tears flooded my eyes. Nope, nope, nope. We tried it, it didn't work- no CIO for us. 

I was tired. Evelyn was tired. All my research up to that point only made me feel like a failure because I wasn't teaching her proper sleep. I became very discouraged and super impatient about finding a solution.

After many discussions with Jay, a few long phone calls with Jess, and a lot of prayers, I learned a few things: 

1. Not only is every baby different, but every mother is different as well. There are mothers who swear by the CIO method. And maybe that's because they're stronger emotionally. Or maybe they're using that method as a last resort. Who knows the reason, the point is I find great comfort when I remember that every baby AND mother is different.

2. There is no right or wrong way to sleep train my child. Whatever route I choose to take, patience is key. Patience is key in many aspects of parenthood. Patience in Evelyn and patience in myself.

3. Months two through five are some of the toughest. Jess [my sister who just gave birth to her fifth child] comforted me by admitting this. She said by six months babies usually figure the whole sleeping thing out to some degree.

With the hope and encouragement I received from those around me, I put forth a little more effort and patience into finding solutions for our sleep troubles. After some trial and error I came up with somewhat of a routine.

Nap/bedtime routine:
When Evelyn shows signs of being tired (I try to catch it before she starts showing signs, but I'm not always successful) I stick a heat pad in the microwave for 2 minutes while I change then swaddle her. I wrap the heat pad in one of my T shirts then set it in the crib while we nurse and rock. Once Evelyn is either asleep or really drowsy, I lay her in the crib snuggled up with the heat pad on one side and a pillow on the other. I know technically that last part is a big no no, but I check on Evelyn frequently and I've got her snugged up so tight that there's really no room for her to move from side to side.

For the most part it's a success and she goes right to sleep. If she starts stirring after being laid down, I stick the binky in her mouth then leave the room. There have been frequent occasions where Jay or I put the binky back in, then wait by her crib to make sure she's really out, then leave the room only to return a dozen more times to repeat the whole ordeal. Sometimes we're persistent and she eventually falls asleep for a good nap or night's sleep. And sometimes at night we're in survival mode and give in by bringing her into bed with us. 

Evelyn three - four months | July - August 2015

Our nap/bedtime routine was successful for about a week. Evelyn would go to sleep in her crib at night but at some point always ended up in our bed. And she was still cat napping throughout the day. When Evelyn was born the nurses at the hospital told me to let her sleep when she wants to sleep and eat when she wants to eat. I knew that wasn't meant as long-term advice, but at three [almost four] months, we were still in the habit of feeding on demand. I never saw a problem with it and I loved that nursing never failed to soothe her. But it got to the point where I was sticking her on the boob almost anytime she made a fuss. And because she was on me so often it seemed like she wasn't getting much food at each feeding. She would suck for a few seconds then get really frustrated when I wouldn't have a let-down. Then I would get frustrated and stress that I had low milk supply. And before you know it we're both in tears.

One day was particularly frustrating... I was basically at Evelyn's mercy, nursing her all day long cause I just didn't know what else to do nor did I have the energy to try anything different to keep her happy. I was able to lay Evelyn in the crib for a couple of naps but they didn't last more than 30 minutes. It had been a pretty low key day so I thought a bath would be a good stimulating activity for her. It was a success and she loved every minute of it. I took her out of the bath, got her ready for bed, and intended to lay her in the crib for the night. As I went about getting her ready for bed she cried and was inconsolable. This was the first time in her life where I was at a total loss on what to do. It was troubling. Jay came to the rescue and soothed her by walking her around the house. Once she calmed down he put her back in my arms then I nursed her to sleep. She woke up crying 20 minutes later. Again, I didn't know what to do. I gave her some gas drops thinking maybe a tummy ache was the cause for her fussiness. I gave up on the crib, laid her in bed with us and nursed her AGAIN. It took her a long time to fall asleep and I swear she was up every hour that night. 

The next day I talked with an on-call nurse from the pediatrician's office just to rule out any possible medical concerns. The nurse told me signs/symptoms to look for that would indicate a problem, then put my mind at great ease when she assured me that nothing was wrong and Evelyn was exhibiting very normal behavior. The nurse asked about our thoughts on sleep training. I had done a lot of research on sleep training and was anxious to start but worried Evelyn was too young. At almost four months old, the nurse suggested it was a good time. 

With the nurses approval I felt really good about making this sleep training thing happen. Figuring out how to sleep train Evelyn definitely wasn't easy. There are so many different techniques and with every baby being so different, I knew it would take trial and error to figure out what worked best for us. Baby Wise turned out to be a great resource. The book basically suggests putting your baby on a schedule where they're eating every three hours and sleeping through the night at an early age. (The book also goes over other very useful information about feeding, baby cries and behaviors. It was very insightful and I would recommend it to any new parent). I loved the idea of having Evelyn on an eating schedule but I didn't expect her to sleep through the night just yet and still wanted some flexibility with her feedings. Understanding that babies have growth spurts and go through periods of time where they need to eat more often than the usual, I didn't want to be so strict and deprive my child of food all because it wasn't "feeding time". However, the eat-play-sleep schedule was something that I felt needed to be enforced. Besides reading Baby Wise, I did tons of research, prayed, and asked for guidance from other moms. In response to my plea for help through a mama Facebook group, someone suggested a CIO method where you go in to check on your little one in 5, 10, and 15 minute intervals. After doing all my borderline obsessive homework (seriously, poor Jay, it was all I ever talked about) I felt confident enough to begin sleep training. 

Our main goals:

-Teach Evelyn how to self-soothe and fall asleep on her own.

-Keep Evelyn in her crib for naps AND night sleep.

Teaching Evelyn to sleep through the night was a whole other thing that I felt would either work itself out once she learned to fall asleep on her own, or we would just come back to it when we were all ready.

Nap/bedtime routine:

Diaper change, into the sleep sac, (she kept busting out of her swaddle, plus if she was going to be spending some time crying and wiggling around in the crib I thought it'd be best to have her arms free) rock while reading stories and singing songs until she's drowsy, lay her in the crib with a binky, then walk away. If she's crying I set a timer for 5 minutes. Once the timer goes off I quietly go into her room, make sure she's physically ok- diaper isn't full and she isn't stuck between the crib rails, shush her while rubbing her back for a few brief seconds, put the binky back in, and walk away. If she's still crying repeat at 10 minutes, then 15, etc.
 

The first night was difficult as was expected. We got all the way up to the 20 minute interval, meaning total crying time was about 40 minutes. I wouldn't say her cry didn't phase me, but it was easier for me to hear, knowing her physical needs had been met and noticing that her cry wasn't a cry for help but a cry due to exhaustion. After Evelyn fell asleep she was awake about every 3 hours. Every time she woke up I went into her room, fed her, laid her back in the crib, then watched as she fell right back asleep. Having to physically get out of bed to feed her in the night is definitely exhausting. That was one perk of having her in our bed- all I had to do was roll over! So often I would wake up in the morning and not even remember feeding her.

After just a few days of this new routine I saw improvement. There were a few times when I laid her down and she went straight to sleep with zero crying. But there were still times when she would cry for up to 30 minutes before falling asleep. And the 30-40 minute cat naps were still happening. Patience was key in all of this, I knew that, but I was also hoping for a little more success after a few days of consistent sleep training. Once again I turned to my mama Facebook group. A few moms suggested that Evelyn could be overtired and putting her in the crib a few minutes earlier than normal might help. My understanding that wake time for babies Evelyn's age is two hours was kind of my guide for putting her down for naps. I began studying Evelyn's behavior more attentively and started her nap time routine twenty minutes earlier than normal. On the first nap she went to sleep with zero crying and slept 1 hour and 40 minutes (longest nap in weeks). And with the second nap there was only eight minutes of crying and she was out for 1 hour and 50 minutes. So it turns out Evelyn's wake time is more like 90-100 minutes rather than 120. Now instead of following only the clock, I also follow Evelyn's behavior. The second I see a yawn or notice any other signs of sleepiness like spacing out for a long period of time, I drop whatever I'm doing and get going on the naptime routine. I've also learned to follow Evelyn's hunger cues and have stuck to the eat-play-sleep routine, which means she's eating about every three hours.

 

Three weeks of consistent successful sleep training and just when Jay and I thought we were out of the woods, all hell broke loose with what we assumed was the four month sleep regression. Evelyn was waking up every two hours at night. It was unbelievably exhausting. And naps? She went from falling asleep on her own and taking three decent naps a day to crying up to 20 minutes before all four 30-40 minute cat naps every day. It felt like we were back at square one. At one point I wondered if we had failed and needed to take a new route in sleep training. But that thought quickly left my mind when I contrasted our current situation to the situation we were in just one month ago. Even in the middle of this sleep regression, things were still going considerably better than before we began sleep training. So I decided to be patient and consistent, but also kept in tune with Evelyn's needs and considered possible small changes that needed to be made.

Since day one the thing that really killed me about letting Evelyn cry was knowing that she would be just fine if only the binky was in her mouth. But she was still incapable of keeping it in for very long. I debated whether it was fair to let her cry without the binky or continuously go and pop it back in her mouth, knowing that one day [hopefully] soon she will be capable of putting it back in her mouth. It turns out someone came up with a solution for this: The WubbaNub. Before investing in a WubbaNub, I thought I'd test out its effectiveness with a homemade one.

Evelyn is still getting the hang of it but her coordination is improving every day. Thanks to this sweet little invention our sleep routine is back in business and going better than ever.

Naptime routine:

Diaper change, into the sleep sac, WubbaNub [binky-bear], stories, singing while cradling her and walking around the room. In the crib once she's drowsy, then leave the room.
After being laid down, she rolls over, snuggles her binky-bear, and drifts off to sleep.

 
It's magic! And just about the cutest thing ever. The 5, 10, 15 minute thing worked great for awhile but we bagged it when realizing it only ticked her off when we checked on her so frequently. So for those times when she's overtired and refusing the binky-bear we give her 15 minutes of crying, put the binky-bear back in, and she's good to go. She'll have a good two hour nap occasionally but on average her naps are still around 40 minutes and she takes three to four a day. Sometimes it's frustrating because 40 minutes is not enough time for me to get a nap, however it is enough time for me to put on make-up and get dressed, or get a few chores done. I've tried several things such as putting her to sleep earlier than normal, later than normal, and even letting her cry it out after a 40 minute nap to see if she'll fall back asleep. Nothing seems to make a difference. For now I just accept the short naps and give prayers of thanks for the long ones. And when she wakes up happy I can't complain. Evelyn's happiness and well-being is of course one of my biggest concerns in all of this.

Now that she's eating rice cereal we have a separate routine for bedtime.
Bedtime routine:
Depending on when her last nap was, somewhere around 6:00pm she eats rice cereal. Then bath, jammies, sleep sac, stories, nurse, rock and sing, and into the crib with her binky-bear.
She's asleep by 8:00pm and on average wakes up twice in the night- usually around 1:00am, then 4:00am, then is awake for the day between 7:00am and 8:00am, depending on when she went to sleep the night before. There are still occasions where she is up more than twice in the night but that's when I just assume she's growing, and I don't want to deprive her of food. Like I said it's pretty exhausting having to physically get up and feed her in the night, but she always falls right back asleep.
 

We haven't conquered sleep entirely and whose to say we ever will, but I'm so grateful for our learning experiences along the way. We've come far and achieved our two main goals: Evelyn is capable of falling asleep on her own, in her crib (with the help of her binky-bear). And having her on a schedule where she starts her first stretch of night sleep by 8:00pm allows quality alone time for Jay and I. That right there has made our efforts in sleep training totally 100% worth it. I can't begin to explain how wonderful it is to have that time back with my husband. 

Goodness we love that Evelyn. Even if her sleep habits aren't exactly as we would like them to be, she is a happy baby who brings an immeasurable amount of joy into our lives.