Sleepless Nights

We've had a few long nights with Evelyn over the last month. She went from sleeping four or five hour stretches to two hour stretches. She's not teething, she isn't sick, she's getting plenty to eat, and she's an angel during the day. She's just a baby exhibiting very normal baby behavior. (At least that's the explanation I've currently settled upon.) I've always felt it was reasonable for her to need me once or twice in night. And I truly don't mind getting up once or twice to feed and snuggle her. But three or four times? Jay and I have been feeling it... It's been very discouraging and I'm ashamed to admit that there were a few times when I woke up with her and had very intense feelings of frustration and even broke into tears. The frustration was NOT at all directed towards Evelyn. I was just so TIRED. Everyone tells you about the hard stuff that comes with caring for a baby, including the sleepless nights. But you can't truly understand the extent of how hard it really is until you've experienced it for yourself. And when you're sleep deprived it's easy to get lost in negative feelings.

Last week after a particularly rough night I decided it was time to change my attitude. Suddenly I remembered how I once longed for her, how I prayed to be her mother- a chance to experience the fun AND the hard stuff. And just like that, my cup runneth over and now each night waking (though still difficult) becomes a treasured moment that I know I will someday long for all over again. It's amazing how even after so many rough nights with Evelyn, I love her more than ever. I'd get up twenty times each night if I had to.
 
"You will never be this loved again. So on those days when you're feeling stressed out, touched out, and depleted, just remember that you will never be this loved again. One day you will long for their affection. So choose a soft voice, choose gentle hands, choose love." -AK